Hello dear parent,

Praising children the wrong way can backfire.

Instead of building confidence, it can make them addicted to approval.

Instead of motivating them, it can make them afraid to try new things.

Instead of helping them grow, it can make them dependent on external validation.

I know this sounds strange because we have been told that praise is always good.

But the truth is, not all praise is created equal.

Here is what happens with the wrong kind of praise

When we say things like:

  • "You are so smart!"
  • "You are the best!"
  • "You are perfect!"

We think we are building confidence, but we are actually creating pressure.

Children start to think:

"If I am smart, I must always get things right."

"If I am the best, I cannot make mistakes."

"If I am perfect, I cannot fail."

And when they inevitably make a mistake or fail at something, they feel like they have let us down.

Here is what works better

Instead of praising the person, praise the effort:

  • "I can see how hard you worked on that!"
  • "You kept trying even when it was difficult!"
  • "You put so much thought into this!"

Instead of praising the result, praise the process:

  • "I love how you figured that out step by step!"
  • "You were so creative in solving that problem!"
  • "You showed great patience while working on that!"

This way, children learn that effort and persistence matter more than being perfect.

They learn that it is okay to make mistakes and try again.

They develop what psychologists call "growth mindset" instead of "fixed mindset."

One more important thing

Sometimes the best response is not praise at all.

Sometimes it is just noticing and describing:

"You finished the whole puzzle!"

"You helped your sister without being asked."

"You remembered to put your toys away."

This shows them that you see them, without putting pressure on them to be perfect.

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You are doing an amazing job.

Keep learning, keep growing, keep loving your child well.

Talk soon,
Your friend at Giggle Learn